How To Connect with Our Guest:
Guest: Jessica Sturgill
jessica@mentalhealthfirstsd.com
Episode 20
Relationships & Raising Baby
It can be a lonely process being pregnant, your partner really doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s hard for non-pregnant partners to form a bond with what is going on inside your body. You are a year ahead of your partner in this process. Learn how relationships evolve and change during the process from pregnancy onward as your little bundle arrives.
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Show Notes:
“Can’t stand your husband yet…?”
For many women, it can be a lonely process being pregnant because your partner really doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s hard for non-pregnant partners to form a bond with what is going on inside your body. You are a year ahead of your partner in this process. Women form a bond with baby in utero and all bonds form differently.
Resentment with your partner can start in pregnancy. “I made a foot today, what did you do?”
The woman hopes their partner will suddenly form a bond with baby right away and then it doesn’t always happen that way. There's a lot of “you don’t understand…”
How do relationships change when baby arrives?
Every family is different
Families with older siblings may experience guilt
Parents tend to divide and concur and it can feel like two ships passing in the night with no time for connecting. It can feel like a roommate situation, and often couples don’t experience emotions together in the first year (especially with two kids).
Tips for partners
Support Mom
It’s important for both partners to remember that each person is doing the best they can (and that men don’t have the bond we form in pregnancy and that’s not their fault). Be patient, that bond will form at one point or another.
Schedule time with your partner to connect and find one thing to connect on (it can even be a TV show to watch together).
Engage in self-care
How to manage boundaries with family
Grandparents have been dreaming about this as long as you have dreamt about becoming a parent so having empathy for that is helpful.
Before the baby comes, sit down with your family and ask them how they envision being involved? What roles do they want to play? What are their expectations? Then using that information, devise a plan that works for all of you.
Remember this is a joyful moment you’ve all been waiting for.
Practice the “Sandwich Approach”
Appreciate them for what they want to do.
State your stance.
Make a request.
Tips For How to Communicate
Instead of criticism, use a gentle start up.
Take accountability and apologize.
Show affection and recognize strengths.
Agree to pause conflictual conversations and “have a safe word."
Sleep Deprivation is TOUGH
It can feel like PMS on steroids. It can give you tunnel vision and you can feel like its never going to end.
When emotions go up, the logical side of your brain goes down so try and make efforts to be kind to yourself during this time.
One idea is that each weekends partners switch on who gets to sleep in. You are running on an empty tank and even having that one thing to look forward to can really help.
Tips for New Moms
It’s ok to feel like you don’t know what you are doing…you do. Follow your instincts. You got this!
Let your partner help. Tell them a problem they can help with and don’t make them guess ((we are all terrible mind-readers)).
Things will change. None of this is permanent so take comfort in that.
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